PDA

View Full Version : My Daily Humor



Teresa
07-13-2008, 06:53 PM
During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"

Teresa
07-13-2008, 06:54 PM
Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking... surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story.

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1971. Why?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

Dageus'Lass
07-13-2008, 06:54 PM
:wlaugh: good one

Teresa
07-13-2008, 06:58 PM
BILL GATES . . . . . Better listen to what he has to say . . . To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Love him or hate him, he sure hit the nail on the head with this!

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it "opportunity".

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.

This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on.

If you can read this - Thank a teacher!

If you receive this via an email and reading this on the computer - Thank Bill Gates.

irelandcastillo
07-13-2008, 09:27 PM
it's all true too!

Christina
07-13-2008, 09:36 PM
It is so true! Amazingly (or maybe not so) many kids do think that way. It really is kinda sad all the entitlement the kids think they have.

susan h
07-13-2008, 09:42 PM
LMAO

maryjane
07-13-2008, 10:51 PM
Ah Bill Gates!

dawnab19
07-13-2008, 10:59 PM
LMAO I love all of em Teresa. had to make my mom read him. She needed a good laugh. Thanks!

MissAmy
07-14-2008, 01:14 AM
Funny...lol