To me, it's not about the technical virginity, but about the 'choosing well'. I was raised in a religious household where the attitude wasn't that sex was sinful, but that it was sacred. To me 'choosing well' means waiting for someone who has proven his respect and trust by making a commitment to me - by marriage. It's no guarantee of course, but I'd say it raises your chances of a HEA with that person considerably.
It is not exercise of power or habits of obedience which depraves men, but the exercise of a power which they consider illegitimate and obedience to a power which they think usurped and oppressive.
- Alexis de Tocqueville
I agree, I loved that quote too-"choose well". My DH was my first & after being together over 14 yrs, we're still in love & it just keeps getting better. I'm sooo glad I waited. I had my opportunities before I met him, but it never seemed right. Almost like my mind knew I was meant to wait for him.
We have 2 girls & a boy & I've worried about this with them too. I don't want them to be sweet talked into it or give in to peer pressure & have regrets but I'm sure it'll be hard to be with them 24/7 & I can't hold their hands every step of the way as much as I'd like to. I just pray they'll make good decisions. Even though my parents gave us a fair amount of freedom growing up, we learned to be respectful of ourselves & others & were taught good morals from the beginning. Now 3 of us are in loving wonderful marriages & the youngest will be joining our ranks soon. I just hope we do as well with our kids as my parents did with us.
I totally agree with all of that. I forget these things.
This is a good quote...Although I ended up waiting till my wedding night (I was 23 when we married) and we've only been married a year I'm so glad I did. I wouldn't necessarily expect my own daughter (sometime in the future hopefully) to make the same choice, but if not at least give it to someone who deserves it. not in high school to some sleazy someone. I can't expect anyone to go through the same thing I did since how many other virigins did I know when I was dating my husband?? NADA. I was the only one and my husband despite NOT Being one, respected me and wanted to wait despite my own weakness on occasions..lol. Oh well, it's all a matter of timing and I wasn't 30 and still waiting...there's no way I could make it to 30 without it! teenage years were hard enough! and college!! But anyway, "choosing wisely" and keeping it sacred is the important factor. That was what my hubby and I wanted and it just worked out we were able to wait when we did all the "proper" rituals before hand. Fate...plus every guy I dated before him I was always so glad after we broke up that I didn't waste it on them. my 2 cents :)
I do so love that qoute and I agree with a lot of what is being said, but sometimes I think the girls get the short end of the stick because we are taught to wait because of pregnancy and stuff, but guys are encouraged to go out and be men and the world forgets that just because the men don't carry the babies doesn't mean they don't "have them". The fact of the matter is if men did have babies we probably would have died out as a species along time ago lol..
I know I'm coming in really late here, but in a different turn-about, in the Outlander series, the man is the virgin on the wedding night. :) To quote Jamie's bride. From chapter 15 of Outlander:
As yet too hungry and too clumsy for tenderness, still he made love with a sort of unflagging joy that made me think that male virginity might be a highly underrated commodity.