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Thread: Why virgins? (answered)

  1. #1
    Heart of a Warrior Danielle42's Avatar
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    Default Why virgins? (answered)

    I've always wondered about this in romance novels: Why are the female leads almost always virgins, regardless of their age, era, etc.? Don't get me wrong - I am not saying that women should take their bodies or sexuality lightly. But I also find it a bit odd that in the 21st century women readers and writers seem to, well, "fetishize" the hymen, women's purity, virginity. Seems like an acceptance, an endorsement, even of the age-old idea that a women of experience (or even one of curiousity) is somehow "damaged goods" - less desirable than one who is "pure".

    What does it mean in the Higlander novels? Why does the women's virginity play such an important part? What does it mean for their characters, the storyline? etc

    Please, no flames from others about whether one way of living/being is better than the other. I believe that women have every right to decide if, when, where, and with whom they share their bodies - or don't - so please don't assume this is an attack on or judgement of anyone. Just wondering about this and would love to understand it from a romance writer's point of view.
    Danielle



    Dvora Tova - born August 10, 2008 - and big brother Rafi

    "He thinks you have the heart of a warrior. He believes in you. Believe in him."

  2. #121
    Maniac mmcmurry818's Avatar
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    A desirable male virgin? LOL! Romantic maybe, but realistic? No.
    I mean, really, think about it for a split second. For an actual flesh and blood man, how long does it take to learn to put he toilet seat down? They are an excruciating meld of bumbling insecurity and raging testosterone. Without experience, I shudder to image what monster of self-doubt would crawl onto the pages of a romance novel and not have me begging for reprieve. Thanks, but no thanks.
    When I pick up a good book, I'm in it for the fiction, the suspension of disbelief. I can believe in Fae, vampires, lycans, no problem. But I can't curl my mind around the virgin hero and have it curl my toes.

  3. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by KJTVH View Post
    I Loved that book!!!! His story was amazing & heartbreaking & had me crying/laughing at times.
    What book is it? I'm looking for something to read after I finish rereading the Highlanders.

    KJ[/QUOTE]

    His book is "Born in Sin" by Kinley MacGregor. It's the 3rd in her MacAllister series (if you love those sexy Highlanders then I'm sure you'll enjoy these lol). That series leads into another called Brotherhood of the Sword. Which is also great but a little on the "dark side".

  4. #123
    Lovely Rose
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    hmm if i read a romance novel and the hero was a virgin. I probably won't read the book. I expect the hero to have lot's of knowledge in the bedroom. However, i think that virgins in romance are over rated.

    I don't see anything wrong with a woman having had a little experience herself.

  5. #124
    Grammar Ninja LoveScribe's Avatar
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    Default Virginity in the heroes/heroines.

    I'm jumping right in--I'm new here and new to the books. This is my first post, actually, so forgive if I'm breaking any rules--I don't know better yet!

    ::steps up onto soapbox and clears throat::

    This is something that's bothered me for a long time in romance novels. It seems like we're pushing for our heroines to be inexperienced but for our heroes to be VERY experienced, and that is just NOT sexy to me. She's waited for that special guy to come along and held off, but he's been having sex with anything that catches his attention? Very not cool, and doesn't allow for the hero and heroine to be on even footing.

    It's been my reading experience that the heroine is already at a disadvantage because the hero is bigger, stronger, and more intimidating than she is by nature. Do we really need to throw in some extra weight on his side?

    In my mind it is just not cool to say it's okay and even encouraged for the man to have dozens of women behind him while the woman is completely pure or at best extremely inexperienced.

    Make her more experienced or make him less so.

    ::wipes sweat from brow and steps off soapbox:: Okay, I'm done.

  6. #125
    Maniac snoopy's Avatar
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    Question Virgins

    For me personnally, I really don't care if the heroine is a virgin, as long as she is strong willed and has a backbone.....look at all of KMM's heroines......did anyone have a problem with them?.....not I......I DO want the men to be experianced....like....lets say....Daegus.....just wishing I was one of KMM's heroines...ummmmmmm.....gives more to us Female readers and wishing......

  7. #126
    HighlandVampBookPimp ZAZOO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveScribe View Post
    I'm jumping right in--I'm new here and new to the books. This is my first post, actually, so forgive if I'm breaking any rules--I don't know better yet!

    ::steps up onto soapbox and clears throat::

    This is something that's bothered me for a long time in romance novels. It seems like we're pushing for our heroines to be inexperienced but for our heroes to be VERY experienced, and that is just NOT sexy to me. She's waited for that special guy to come along and held off, but he's been having sex with anything that catches his attention? Very not cool, and doesn't allow for the hero and heroine to be on even footing.

    It's been my reading experience that the heroine is already at a disadvantage because the hero is bigger, stronger, and more intimidating than she is by nature. Do we really need to throw in some extra weight on his side?

    In my mind it is just not cool to say it's okay and even encouraged for the man to have dozens of women behind him while the woman is completely pure or at best extremely inexperienced.

    Make her more experienced or make him less so.

    ::wipes sweat from brow and steps off soapbox:: Okay, I'm done.

    HI LOVESCRIBE, AND WELCOME TO THE MONING MANIAC WORLD!!

  8. #127
    I'm the one with boobs !! analisa's Avatar
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    I don't think virginity is that big deal, as long as the character (in fiction) or the person ( in real life) has a healthy self respect, is well informed about sex and its comsequences, not lessen it, not givin it away like it's nothing important, but enjoying it as the great thing it is, when it's with the right person, and time and place.
    I guess if we all read romance books we all have this romantic side that makes us believe in soul mates, but in real life we don't usually get as lucky as Gwen or Clohe, meaning our first love to be THE ONE, so we have relationships, from highschool and our first kiss to college and our first lover (or some like that) and in the way we meet our husband or boyfriend and we stay with him, and we try to make it forever, because we believe in HEA.
    I didn't make it virgin to my marriage, still I didn't give my virginity away with the first guy that asked me to, I did it when I felt it was right, when I felt like sharing intimacy would be amazing, and it was. I took care of myself, and enjoyed safe sex, even when I was 19. That relationship was over after 2 years, other bf had passed, and when I met my husband we were both experienced, still I have no regrets, and I believe he doesn't either.
    Sex is one of the most beautifull experiences in a person's life, so it must not be lessened, but certainly it must not be feared. Information, self respect and doing it at your own time, without pressure, is just fine to me.
    And BTW, I like Mac is not a virgin, makes me feel it more real, I wouldn't like a w--re or somebody that doesn't give importance to sex, but I like a real person with real experiences and lots and lots of self-respect.

  9. #128
    Maniac Jess9899's Avatar
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    Ok I know a lot of people are going to disagree with what I have to say but so be it I am speaking from experience.

    I think sex is very important in a relationship. It can make or break a relationship if the couple is not sexually compatible. Therefor I believe its not always a good idea not to have any experience before getting married at least with each other. If a couple does not enjoy the same things the relationship will not last. I am not putting down anyone who is waiting until marriage before sex all I am saying is really think about it.
    My husband and I were actually each others first, we did not wait until marriage he was my highschool sweet heart. When I went to college we decided it would be best to have a little experience away from each other that way we would KNOW if this was right. We took a small break and saw other people. After about six months or so we decided we definitley loved each other and we have absolutely no regrets. I was very young when I met him and I know without that experience at least I would have wondered what if. Neither one of us slept around I only slept with one other person and then only after a lot of thought I don't regret it because I know this helped me do alot of soul searching, and now my husband and I have been married for almost 10 yrs and I am truly happy. I know for sure who I want and Love and not many people in this day and age can say that. I am not telling anyone to sleep around. All I am saying is sex is important in a relationship whether you have been married 1 yr or 30yrs so really think about how compatible you and your partner are.
    Siggy by Viking Princess (Thanks!)

  10. #129
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    This is one of those issues that really varies from person to person. What is right for one is not right for another. When I was in high school, I thought I'd wait until marriage, but then again, I didn't date that much then and I knew even then that I didn't love any of those guys anyway. I made it until my 3rd year in college. By then, I knew I was ready to experience more. I had seen a lot of different kinds of relationships by then and made up my own mind what I wanted to do. Still, I knew it couldn't be just anyone. So I waited until along comes a suave Portugese that charmed me totally. I discovered years later that he was a jerk in a lot of ways, but I will give him credit in that for those first 2.5 years, he was good to me, good for me (until I broke up with him, then he turned into a nightmare, but that's another story). He was quite experienced and taught me a lot, really pushed my boundaries that both scared and fascinated me at the time. The experience gave me a lot of confidence, and I think that carried over to future relationships. I will admit that I 'went around the block' more than I should have, but I don't regret the experiences, each one was unique had something to teach me or give me insight into myself. So, when I finally met the man I ended up marrying, I was the experienced one and he was the virgin! I still can't believe he held out that long, he says he was just waiting to meet me! I had a lot of 'been there, done that' feelings, so felt I was going into our relationship really knowing what I wanted and without all of those 'what-ifs' that can plague some people. No wanderlust left for me -- except when I think about KMM's heroes and then...

    Happily married for 10 years, still going strong!
    KJ

  11. #130
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    Hey Moning Folks,

    Pleased to make my first post. I'm sorry if this has been asked, but are any of KMM's heroines besides Mackayla not virgins?

    Thanks for the wisdom.

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